Middle Age Crisis For Women or Just me!

I'm tired.  Counting my blessings, but tired.  Dreaming of a home of my own separate from my husband.  Is that so wrong?  We've been married for 19 years.  I long for my independence.  Want to see what life would be like if I got to be in charge all the time of my every decision.  Want to have a home set up and decorated the way I like.  Want to have foods in the kitchen that I like to eat - not just what he likes to eat.  I've openly discussed this with him and of coarse he thinks I'm crazy.  I just want to discover who I really am.  I have been married to him since I was 23 and dated him since 22.  Sometimes I feel like my identity is missing.  Who am I, what do I like? Is that so selfish?  I want to feel free and do things MY WAY not go along w/ his way.  I'm 41 now, but am trying to find meaning in my life.  I work each and every day.  I do the M-F hamster wheel grind.  Is there something so wrong w/ wanting to feel like the Captain of the Ship?  He makes me feel like there is and when I tell him my feelings, he just laughs.  What will I do.  All actions have serious consequences and especially when children are a part of the situation.  I love my children - I love my husband, but sometimes feel like we are more friends than anything else.  I never want to hurt him.  Yet I find myself in misery, day dreaming about what my life / home would look like if I could be me.  Anyone relate to this?